Damon's Blog
by HeronRainwater
Summary: "I, of course, am way too cool to for journals... But I will, on the other hand, share the tales and incredible accounts of how I spread misery throughout the world on my own online blog." - TVD, as told through Damon Salvatore's Blog.
1. Pilot

A/N: This entry of Damon's blog is set near the end of/ immediately after Pilot :)

Now, don't get me wrong; I, Damon Salvatore, am not nearly as pathetic and angst-filled as my annoying little bug of a brother Stefan. He spends every waking minute brooding, or working on adding another deep-set frown line to his collection on his forehead, or pouring out adjective after depressing adjective to his journal. Seriously, how wimpy is that? I, of course, am way too cool to for journals. I have no problem with reading other peoples' and then taunting them about it, but as for writing my own… no, nada, non, not gonna happen. But I _will_, on the other hand, share the tales and incredible accounts of how I spread misery throughout the world on my own online blog.

I decided that fifteen years without tormenting my dearest little bro was long enough, so I ended up following him back to our original hometown of Mystic Falls. To make my return official, I stopped for a quick snack, killed a couple of locals. It's not like anyone'll miss them, they were talking about liking _James Blunt_. James Blunt, can you believe that?

I found out pretty quickly, using my amazing powers of detection, why Saint Stefan himself was back in town. Turns out, there's some girl he's now stalking because she looks a hell of a lot like this other girl we both used to date. Well, I dated her first, Stefan stole her from me. Although, go ask the little punk, I'm sure he'll give you a very different and much more melancholic side of the story.

Anyway, what was I getting at? Oh, right, _Elena_. I had a lot of fun riling Stefan up, telling him to imagine what her blood tasted like, and then he just _lost_ it, went total incredible hulk on me. I liked the whole "Grr argh" thing he did, like that monster at the end of the credits for "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", but he only got a six from me. My little brother lacks style when it comes to angrily jumping out of a window. I'm sure I can work with him on that, though.

Well, I think that'll do for this dose of Damon awesomeness; very busy, blood to drink, lives to ruin, little brothers to torture. Goodbye, Au Revoir, Adios, Arrivederchi,

D.S

A/N: So, should I continue and do more blog entries for the legend that is Damon? Let me know, review! :)


	2. Night Of The Comet

A/N: Thanks to deberry and starzee for reviewing last chapter, and thanks to anyone who favourite-d/alerted this story! Here's the next entry!

It's me again, readers, that incredibly sexy, very cool eternal stud that I know you all love. You know, you'd think that someone like me would be able to catch a break once in a while. I come back to town to pay a harmless visit to my little brother and suddenly Stefan decides that I'm some psychopathic killer! I know, can you believe him? I think he's just pissed at me for leaving this girl Vicki alive after feeding on her. One minute he doesn't want me to kill people, and then I let them live and he's mad? It's those infinite teenage hormones, I guess.

In other news, dear readers, I met the much anticipated _Elena _for the first real time today. She turned up at the house all ready to see frown lines himself, so I decided to… stir the water, so to speak. Is that even an expression? Well, I'm awesome enough to make my own up. Besides, I could just compel a couple hundred people to say it as well, then it'll be a certified figure of speech.

Anyways, I mentioned Katherine to her dead ringer, dropped a few lines about him being on the rebound. Ah, how I enjoy screwing with the relationships of teenagers. They take it all so seriously. Then Stefan turned up and ruined the fun, as usual, he's a buzz kill. Elena left, so I turned my attention to making him feel awkward. Turns out he'd been to the hospital, as I guessed, made that girl forget everything that had happened. Not that it really mattered; the girl was drunk off her head and probably high, no-one would've believed her. Then Stefan went all cliché, asked what game I was playing. I was overly tempted to reply something like 'Ludo', but I just told him to wait and see. The look on his face was worth it.

I had a hell of a lot of fun tonight, though, maybe even added another frown line to Stefan's collection. I had that Vicki girl up on the roof, knowing perfectly well that Stefan could hear the whole thing, and sure enough he appeared few seconds later. His landing had definitely improved from the last time, he'd probably been practising roof jumping when I wasn't looking. Stefan was all "let her go!" and I took that as my cue to scare the living hell out of him. He really does set himself up for this sort of stuff, stupid kid. Then, there was a little sibling intensity. I compelled the junkie to believe that Stefan went all Dracula on her neck, Stefan went all poetic, you know the sort of thing, "let them drive a stake through my heart because then at least I'll be free of you". I thought that was incredibly rude, personally, and a little on the morbid side as well. I made Vicki forget what I'd just told her, wound Stefan up a little more and left.

One more thing came out of tonight, though; my own walking talking blood bank, Caroline Forbes. Although, the talking got a little annoying after a while. She was all 'me, me, me, I, I, I, self, self, self'. Didn't she get the memo? Only I'm allowed to be like that!

Well, must go, it's not polite to leave your food waiting, and I gots me a blonde to drink.

D.S

A/N: Like it? Review please! :)


	3. Friday Night Bites

A/N: Thanks for reviews, favourites and alerts! It means a lot to me! :)

This entry is Friday Night Bites.

I don't own Damon, Stefan, Elena or The Vampire Diaries. If I did, I a) wouldn't be on a fan fiction website, and b)... well, the same as a. Entry 3 of Damon's blog starts... NOW!

Howdy, all!

God, I can't believe I just typed that. Who says Howdy? NO-ONE, that's who. Pshh, Howdy. Stefan can never find out about this… I'll never live it down. Correction: he'll never live it down. I'll kill him before he finds this out.

Woke up yesterday morning to find that previously mentioned blonde blood bank was attempting to ditch me. Damon Salvatore doesn't take too kindly to being ditched. Got a little annoyed, had a lamp waved at me, a random something or other thrown at my head (which I ducked, because I'm just that awesome) and a blood stained pillow thrown at my face. See, if I was that fairy Edward Cullen guy, I probably would've been okay with biting into a few pillows. But I'm not, and I had the real thing at 98.6 degrees (for those of you who want to be scientific or awkward or maybe even British, that's 37 degrees Celsius).And don't ask me how I know the plot of those wimpy sparkly Twi-shite books, I just do, okay? But I'm not covered in glitter, so I just settled for feeding on the girl again. Come on, I'm a vampire, I'm allowed to.

After finishing my snack, ended up driving the blonde to cheerleading practise or whatever it is they call it now. Elena looked suspicious; that means I'm doing my job right. Ten points to Salvatore.

Talked to Stefan after he got back from football try outs. You wouldn't know, but I just laughed as I typed that. Haha, football try outs. I told him it was very Emerson of him to reveal his soul in so many adjectives, you know, the whole making fun of peoples' journals thing I mentioned a few entries back. He seemed suitably pissed off enough. Pretended I was gonna go all good side, rival to the Edward Cullen's and the Stefan Salvatore's of the Vampire world, and then laughed in his face when he honestly seemed to believe me. Little brothers are hilariously gullible.

Managed to get myself invited into Katherine number two's house by gate crashing some teenage dinner party thing with Caroline in tow. Caught a falling glass in the kitchen, much cooler than doing that Cullen thing and bouncing an apple of my foot and catching it. Once again, don't ask how I know that. Brought Katherine number one up again, and Stefan seems to have found himself a smart one for me to toy with. Elena asked which one of us dated her first. I told her what I mentioned before, except I left out 'more melancholic' and 'go ask the little punk'. Instead, I pretended I was civil. It was hard not to laugh right there.

Went back to find Stefan talking to Caroline, sent the annoying blonde to help Elena in the kitchen, Stefan told me not to feed on her and I said I'd do 'whatever the hell I want'. And then for good measure, I threw in a threat or two about Elena. After all, I've been invited in. Ten more points to Salvatore. I am just on _fire_. Though not literally, cos… that's not good for un-dead people.

Made Elena dream about me that night. I love screwing with peoples' head's; it's a hobby of mine. Plus, it'll annoy the crap out of Stefan, and that's always a bonus.

Haven't been as lucky tonight. Tried to compel Elena to kiss me, y'know, screw with Stefan's head a little? Turns out that brooding little sod already has her on vervain. Got slapped by aforementioned Katherine clone. But fear not, dear readers, it takes more than that to ruin these devilish good looks.

Went to congratulate Stefan on reaching a new level of annoying. It turned into him deciding I still had a shred of humanity somewhere in me, or some other poetic crap like that. Sunk my teeth into the conveniently passing football coach, which a) proved him wrong and b) Meant I got a snack. I make that now a total of thirty Salvatore points.

Spent a moment or two watching Elena sleep tonight. I understand how creepy that sounds, but come on, Cullen does it and you all love him… God, I need to make a pact to stop with the twilight references.

I think I'm done for now. That is, of course, unless any of you readers want to turn up at the boarding house and offer to tap a vein? It's just a thought…

D.S

A/N: Reviews, pretty please? :)


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